By Alan D. Wolfelt PhD
Confronting the “little griefs” which could take place during an entire life, this guide seeks to alleviate the inevitable burden of loss. Taking the “wilderness adventure” into account—being disconnected from oneself and the surface world—this consultant offers 12 very important questions, the solutions to which motivate the alternative among determining to stay and letting disappointment take regulate. Delving into the probabilities in the back of integrating sorrow into one’s lifestyles, this examine is the line map to exploring and honoring the transformational nature of grief.
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Additional info for Eight Critical Questions for Mourners: And the Answers That Will Help You Heal
I have come to believe that to heal your grief, you must mourn it. ” By mourning well, I mean openly and honestly expressing your thoughts and feelings from the inside to the outside—no pretense, no repression, no inhibitions. Somewhere in the collision between the heart, which searches for permanency and connection, and the brain, which acknowledges separation and loss, there is a need for all of us to authentically mourn. Authentic mourning means being consciously aware of the painful emotions of grief and feeling safe to express them.
By honoring the presence of your pain, by understanding the appropriateness of your pain, you are committed to facing the pain. You are committing yourself to paying attention to your anguish in ways that allow you to breathe life into your soul again. The alternative would be to shut down, be passive, and avoid and deny your pain, which is to die while you are still alive. Move toward your grief Facing the pain means moving toward your grief (being an active participant), not away from it (being a passive recipient).
Seek out your friends and family members who fall into the first group. They will be your confidants and momentum-givers on your journey. When you are actively mourning, try to avoid the last group, for they will trip you up and cause you to fall. In sum, the essential tasks of an active participant in grief are the following: set your intention, move toward your pain, understand the concept of surrender, and reach out for help. Being an active participant in your grief is a life-enhancing choice—a choice that brings the promise of hope, grace, and peace.