Idlewild by Nick Sagan PDF

By Nick Sagan

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Maybe this should have pleased me; it didn’t. Such maddening, capricious jailers — why should they listen to me now? Letters began to roll across the mirror, forming smoothly like stigmata: IS THIS A MORE AGREEABLE FORM OF COMMUNICATION? Furiouser and furiouser. “Leave me alone,” I said. IF YOU’RE BUSY, I CAN GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE. I smashed the mirror with my fist. I smashed it until I didn’t see any more stigmatic letters, until my knuckles felt like they were raw, until the sink was full of blood and shards of glass.

No one else seemed to notice them, but they worried me just the same. The checker was a hard woman with a weak chin. She’d scan the produce and grind her teeth together when the scanner wouldn’t take. I could hear her breathing. Phlegmy; I didn’t like the sound. The bagger in the next aisle kept sneaking glances. At my eyes, not my wings. Like he wanted to say something. Like he wanted me to say something. But we never spoke. He looked about my age. He looked like a black-and-white photograph. His skin was steely gray.

Invisible again. It seemed I wasn’t a very reflective person. I held the knife up to the light. I stared into the water. Nothing reflected my image. “I’d kill for some déjà vu,” I muttered out loud, and listened to the strange timbre of my voice. No thanks to the mirror, I was able to determine that I was male and fair-skinned. From my scalp, I plucked a strand of conspicuous orange hair. A start. But my face was still a mystery. I ran my fingers lightly over the merchandise. Up, down, left, right, around.

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