Mom, Dad, I'm Gay.: How Families Negotiate Coming Out - download pdf or read online

By Ritch C. Savin-Williams

Drawing from over one hundred fifty unique interviews with youngsters, psychologist Rit ch Savin-Williams separates truth from fiction during this survey of popping out studies. Drawing from current developmental study, he unwell ustrates the wide variety of kinfolk reactions and discusses the standards that ascertain how mom and dad come to phrases with the disclosure over the years . He finds that the arrival out event is drastically inspired by means of g ender, and chapters spotlight universal mother-daughter, mother-son, fath er-daughter, and father-son dynamics.

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Bargaining Bargaining is a parental reaction that attempts to postpone or alleviate guilt parents feel as a result of having a nonheterosexual child. It can also be a bid to eradicate the thought that this has come about because of their poor parenting skills. Religious parents may beseech God for just one supplication, a conversion of the child’s sexual orientation, in exchange for promising henceforth to lead an observant life and give homage to religious laws and commandments. Mary Griffith reassured her son that he need not be homosexual if he just simply prayed harder and tried to lead a better life.

4). Once Marsha’s father found out about his daughter, he “was hurt by the fact that my daughter didn’t trust me enough to tell me. I was very disappointed and began wondering just how shallow our relationship had been. Where had I failed? ” (p. 4). Quite often the “deal” is unrealistic because the child cannot fulfill the parents’ wishes and still keep her or his integrity undiminished. The pact RELATIONS WITH PARENTS 41 necessitates that the parents render their acceptance and love conditionalsomething a lesbian, bisexual, or gay adolescent might not be willing to tolerate.

P. 80) Another parent recognized that “for the first time in my life I was ashamed of one of my children. I had always thought my kids were better than other kids that I knew. My feeling of superiority quickly vanished” (p. 82). To thwart this perceived public scandal, parents distance themselves from formerly close relationships or isolate themselves and thus preempt the ostracism they feel will inevitably come. Mrs. ”56 She could not tell anyone, or “I didn’t tell anyone for quite a while, because you don’t open a conversation with, ‘Oh, by the way .

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